The illusion of fear



This is part five of my “American Adventures’ blog series and in this one my biggest fear about hiring a rental car became a reality…

…I crashed the car!

It was another exercise in discovering the illusion of fear and how it keeps us contracted and small.


You can read the other blogs in the series here:
Part Four – What’s my purpose?


The trip had been wonderful, everything had gone smoothly, and we’d been enjoying a gorgeous drive up the coastal road in the sunshine next to the azure Pacific ocean, heading to the airport to return the rental car, where I would say goodbye to Denyse and catch my flight home.

Literally only two minutes from the rental car drop off point I collided with another car that pulled across me when I was edging forward from the traffic lights to enter the left lane.

There was a moment of sheer dread that rose up in me and I went into a bit of a blind panic, not knowing what to do. The thing I most feared had happened!

I found a place to pull in where I could sit and take a few breaths while Denyse tried to calm me down and comfort me, and we tried to work out what had just happened.

Moments later an angry lady jumped out of her car pointing the finger of blame at me. Although I was shaken up we managed to cool the situation down, exchanged details and then went our separate ways.

Fortunately no one was hurt and the damage wasn’t severe, but I was shaking like a leaf, my adrenaline pumping, and I burst into tears!

I really thought it must have been my fault given my lack of familiarity with the US roads, and I was just starting to beat myself up when the lovely Denyse assured me the woman wasn’t indicating so there was no way to tell what she was going to do.

It was just an accident.

We dropped the car back, the paper work was done in less than five minutes (with no judgements, incriminations or unpleasant words) and after I’d said goodbye to Denyse at the terminal I was thinking it really wasn’t that much of a big deal at all, and what had I got myself so worked up about?

With that much fear I’d expected much more drama!

So I toddled off to the yoga room at the airport to stretch and relax before my flight home! (I don’t know if this is only in California, but it’s awesome!)


The illusion of fear – it's all in our heads


While I was sinking into a posture that opened up my back I became aware of a huge amount of emotion in my heart. It wasn’t the fear being released from the accident, it was different, and as I stayed with it I suddenly felt a great sense of loneliness. I realised that if life threw curve balls at me there was no one special to help me share the load with because I’d got so good at doing everything on my own.

Up to this point I’d spent a couple of years very happily as a single woman, able to devote myself and my time to my business, able to come and go wherever and whenever I pleased, able to do what I wanted without having to run it past anyone else or justify myself, and happy with my own company.

It felt free.

It wasn’t that I didn’t feel ready for a new relationship. I’d done the journalling, created the wish list of the kind of relationship I wanted, and put it out there. And I like to think these things happen in the right time, and you get what you need rather than what you want, so I’d let it go and was happy to wait.

But I hadn’t tested if my subconscious was up for it too!

As I felt into this emotion in my heart I discovered I was carrying a couple of really unhelpful buried beliefs about my life that this mini car accident had jolted out of my subconscious and brought into the light of day.

Unhelpful belief 1:
It isn’t possible to have a business and a life partner because I don’t have enough time and energy to give to both.

Unhelpful belief 2:
2. Wanting or receiving support is a weakness, and I don’t trust anyone would care enough about my business to support me in the way I need it.

Clearly I was likely to be a long time single with these programmes running in the background!

This whole thing has shown me that I do want someone to be my rock, who has my back, who can be strong for me so I don’t always have to be. And if I want that then I need to be more vulnerable and available, and stop acting like Superwoman!

We create our goals with the conscious part of our mind, and if the subconscious is aligned with those goals then you will manifest your desires easily. If the subconscious isn’t on board however, and you have any kind of limiting beliefs around receiving the goal – because to do so might bring you some kind of harm or hardship – then it will sabotage your attempts at manifesting it.

In the fight between conscious and subconscious, the subconscious always wins.

Fortunately you can overwrite these programmes with various therapeutic techniques, but you have to become aware of them first – which my little bump had helped me to do.

So it wasn’t the perfect ending I’d imagined to my American trip, but it was certainly insightful!

Rather than making me more fearful about driving overseas I feel stronger – the worst happened and I’m fine – it was just the illusion of fear, and not only that, but I’ve started clearing the way for a new relationship to come in!


Takeaway: The fear that we build up in our heads are often far worse than the reality. Accidents happen no matter how careful you are, and you have a choice about whether to beat yourself up or not. Guilt keeps you trapped while acceptance sets you free.

Buy extra insurance to give you peace of mind – it’s SO worth it! You never know what’s going to happen.

Lessons behind events are not always obvious, but if you stay open and tune into your feelings and your body you will find your answers.